This is always a special time for me. In September 2002 I had just moved to Logan Utah to attend USU. I had gotten a job at a call center and imediatly fell for this guy. He was totally my type and had gorgeous blue eyes and dark hair. I had met mister right! We began dating almost imediatly and were inseperable. In January of 2003 he gave me a promise ring and we began disucussing marriage. We both wanted to be married in the temple so we knew it was going to be a while before that would happen. Now being married and totally in love, I look back and realize, it was never gonna happen. It was all wrong.. He wouldn't set a date, we wern't doing anything to get to the temple and although I loved him I felt it wasn't completly right. But I did LOVE him and we did have really good times and his family was and is AMAZING. Anyway, We had a bad break up in February and it was over. I was devistated but KNEW in my heart that it was right.
Well 2 weeks after the break up I found out I was pregnant. I was devistated doubly!!! He wouldn't answer my calls and when he did he wasn't exactly happy. Long story short, He didn't want anything to do with me or the baby. His family was supportive of me and were awesome. I was keeping this little BOY and I would work it out somehow but I was still toying with the adoption Idea. 7 months into the pregnancy I attended an adoption group and met with a counsler. That day I knew this little boy was not supposed to be mine. I knew that I was just a way for him to come into this world. I started the process and chose a family. Thats a good story to but I won't get into that.. this would go on way longer!
On November 3rd I gave birth to Gavin Gerd Nigbur but they named him Gavin James, by induction, 2 weeks late! It was the most joyous yet sad day of my entire life. I spent the next 2 1/2 days in the hospital with him. I remember everything. The noises, the smells, his smell, his noises.. I didn't sleep the entire time. I watched him sleep and didn't miss a thing. On November 6th I placed him in the arms of a wonderful family that I hand picked. He was meant for them! He fit in perfect! That had to be the saddest day of my life. I have never felt so empty, sad and happy all at once.
It took me at least 2 years to where I didn't think about and cry about him every single day. I got tons of pictures and letters the first 2 years and then 1 a year up until now. Now the corrispondence will stop (not my choice, theres). I love this little boy so much. He is such a blessing in my life. I will never ever stop thinking about him or loving him..
Here are a few pictures of my experience. They are really personal but I wanted to share them and honor gav on his birthday.
My first time holding him!
my last time holding him.. That is his new mommy holding me! I still cry looking at this.
giving him to his new mommy!
His new Family
Gavin 5 years old
